managed to make a little fun with a reviewer and still get a good write-up in the evening standard..my thing was the way he had commited to a rather definate sitting position with his elbow up on the top of the empty seat next to him and i threatened to have is shirt off his back as my secret london hobby is swapping my check shirt for another..i have two for 1 so far..two shirts swapped one knock back...
last week at a huge gig at KOKO i was compering and while rich hall was on i was playing fanny-ball with his wife karen which is like ping pong without the table the net ir the bouncing..and the ball went on the sofa behind a cushion and then she dived after it and for a laugh i dived over her and rich hall came offstage and not only were we pissed and giggling we were in sa fairly comprimisin situation..rich saidd.."what the hey..' and i had no time to explain just had to run on and indroduce thee inerval..
last night in the soho theatre i got a free grolsch from Jenny the bar manageress..a free jack d and lager mix from stuart and a talisker from am army officer and from davido'doherty..we made the beautiful stern staff finally laugh until even when my birky sandal flew behind the bar they were happy....the gig itself was the first one i have ever done with a n official programme outlining the events...overture:a raising of themes to be later developed and expanded...ACT I a man considers his good fortune and redesigns the undeerground tube train carruage...
..sadly i forgot to do that so tonight i shall be moving the crowd on their chairs to be sat like a tube train and do some pole dancing..
Friday, 5 December 2008
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
luckiest man alive:examples
..so it is fairly early for it to be late..ten forty three p.m. and i am still luckiest..i picked up a ;lovely wicker chair and moved it a placed it with one of its long legs inside a tall glass that had some chai tea in..it never spilt and the glass never broke and the wickers was undamaged.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\and another\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
the time i was chatting to ann in a pub in bath by coincidence who happened to have been at my comedy gig the night before and she recomended i go by the front of royal crescent where my mate charlie used to own houses and because they often play frisbee and it is still common land and so i did and they were and i did and in the catchings and the throwing i had fun and continued on to the airport where i realised i had lost my wallet and i was approaching the information desk and arriving as he was on the phone,saying:"...ah yes you have found his wallet and what is his name..?" and so i said"..philip kay.."just as he was hearing that because ann had also gone by the frisbee game and had actually been the one to find my wee wallet and then phoned after me and synchronised then.
it was only because i was pretending to prune roses after midnight as my friends left the party that i noticed my suns anorak outside over the handlebars of my bike and was able to take it in and so it never got rained on,
then the time i was without a bike in melbourne for thirty seconds when i came out of a part in a bigtop by the river saww my unlocked bike was gone and then whistled some boys who definately resembled boys who had a bike that was not theirs,whistled and had them come over and manage to buy a bike off them that was not mine at two thirty..
many more to follow
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\and another\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
the time i was chatting to ann in a pub in bath by coincidence who happened to have been at my comedy gig the night before and she recomended i go by the front of royal crescent where my mate charlie used to own houses and because they often play frisbee and it is still common land and so i did and they were and i did and in the catchings and the throwing i had fun and continued on to the airport where i realised i had lost my wallet and i was approaching the information desk and arriving as he was on the phone,saying:"...ah yes you have found his wallet and what is his name..?" and so i said"..philip kay.."just as he was hearing that because ann had also gone by the frisbee game and had actually been the one to find my wee wallet and then phoned after me and synchronised then.
it was only because i was pretending to prune roses after midnight as my friends left the party that i noticed my suns anorak outside over the handlebars of my bike and was able to take it in and so it never got rained on,
then the time i was without a bike in melbourne for thirty seconds when i came out of a part in a bigtop by the river saww my unlocked bike was gone and then whistled some boys who definately resembled boys who had a bike that was not theirs,whistled and had them come over and manage to buy a bike off them that was not mine at two thirty..
many more to follow
recent gig highlights
best thing ever at koko in camden during the interval..while a thousand people were at the loo stroke bar stroke havin a fag outside.. and three hundred were still watching..i spotted a couple having a good kiss and i got them to kiss while me and the crowd watched and counted down from twenty...i was counting out loud on the mike...i started to get closer..they had their eyes closed..sixteen fifteen...i am leavng the stage..twelve eleven..they are oblivious..the crowd are counting too...seven siiiix...now my trousers accidentally fall down threeeee twooooo and i am loud and filling the room with my long numbers and yet i am right in close..oooonnnnnnneeee
and my lips just unite with their cheeks as they separate.
spaceman song with head inside the red plastic see through lampshade at the 99 club..and drinking drambuie from a handbag..
a lady falling off her chair with laughter at the 99 club in leicester square and me standing over like ali over liston just holding back that last joke that wasn't needed.. as she squirmed on the floordoing those shoulder spasms trying to get up..
getting an instant improvised 'manband' to dance sing and strip off a bit at the banana cabaret..
tea bee sea
and my lips just unite with their cheeks as they separate.
spaceman song with head inside the red plastic see through lampshade at the 99 club..and drinking drambuie from a handbag..
a lady falling off her chair with laughter at the 99 club in leicester square and me standing over like ali over liston just holding back that last joke that wasn't needed.. as she squirmed on the floordoing those shoulder spasms trying to get up..
getting an instant improvised 'manband' to dance sing and strip off a bit at the banana cabaret..
tea bee sea
shit i've just realise i can put up stuff here in this notebook in the sky and it will never be lost :{)
..so it could kind of be like a set list on offer to the crowd.they could ask for items from this open setlist...or if i seem to be short on ideas we can just get some blackberry user to get on-line and read this out..
sex when you are pregnant is like rally driving compared to normal driving...
the fucking oyster card..and smile detectors on cameras..
scams accidental and planned to get away with paying for british rail tickets..(e.g. when the ticket man comes ask when it gets to somewhere you know it is not going and when he tells you you will have to get out at the next station,look sad..s'okay you are getting a free ride..just be holding a old ticket and make sure the computer print out is flashing the destinations right above your head behind you where you could neveer see it ..or up by the bogs...or be standing in the bog with the strange,slow semi-circular door opening slowly to your surprise and hold out any old ticket and watch it be declined..*] *these happened
the london underground-lots of poles and nobody's dancing..
have you seen portakabins headquarters..?
is anyone on the i-pod actually ever listening to a podcaste of frying bacon..
sex when you are pregnant is like rally driving compared to normal driving...
the fucking oyster card..and smile detectors on cameras..
scams accidental and planned to get away with paying for british rail tickets..(e.g. when the ticket man comes ask when it gets to somewhere you know it is not going and when he tells you you will have to get out at the next station,look sad..s'okay you are getting a free ride..just be holding a old ticket and make sure the computer print out is flashing the destinations right above your head behind you where you could neveer see it ..or up by the bogs...or be standing in the bog with the strange,slow semi-circular door opening slowly to your surprise and hold out any old ticket and watch it be declined..*] *these happened
the london underground-lots of poles and nobody's dancing..
have you seen portakabins headquarters..?
is anyone on the i-pod actually ever listening to a podcaste of frying bacon..
chose todays tuesday the second of december as the day for the first part of your Blography
two / twelve / two thousand and eight,at five fifteenish
a recent study revealed that football fans actually 'love' the opposition team because:
1.without them there would be no game
2. they can forgive the opposition bad play and adore them when they loose
the other night i watched the first hour of altman's 'the long goodbye' three times:once because i was just watching it for the first time...a second time becasue i had lost the remote and was not able to even pause it and it had gone all stuck and i could not rewind it and then come back and give it a run up to get through the sticky patch...so i switched it off and a third time becaues i had cleaned it and now my love could watch it with me.it got better each time.
then later i watched 'nashville' also directed by altman and so that was over six hours
recently discovered that opposition fans sing this cruel ditty about the champion golfer:
severiano ballesteros/ he's severely ill his life hangs in the balance/oh 'e slipped on the bannisteros taking pianos down the stairos..
the organic movement will have come to full bloom when they can do a decent striped toothpaste..
most recent e-mail sent to a friend:
Hey it phil..babe due in valentines day..or circa..we know for definitely a boy...
or a girl..melina is cooking brussel sprouts and couscous..she says oh glad its you and thanks for the magazine...you know we have had an idea that to get super great married we would have a massive kids party in a huge sandpit at the foot of a tree ask every family we knew and all our friends and then suddenly have a full dressed vicar come ut with a wicker hamper and in it a suit and a big white dress and surprise..its a wedding..all kids oblivious/unoblivious and neither a matter for having to be quiet or anything just there and integral..
- most recent ideas arriving while driving:
favourite road signs seen were - 'Free Church' what with every twelve vouchers
- 'concealed entrance'..well what are we supposed to do then either they have revealed it and it is no longer concealed or it is announced and still concealed...
- "Caution Horses in Transit..'..what am i to do that i was not already doing..and besides what are they doing with horses in an old ford van..that aint right...
='Keep Two Chevrons Apart"...what are they going to do..? multply..too late for that there is million of them.
the other day a horse was escaping down the road i live on in lewes,bn7..and i failed to run out in front of it and hault it with a massively confident stable technique based waving of the arms and solid...instead i made a fairly loud clicking noise to see if he wanted to stop...there are a great many things that if they don't want to get done by the folks themselves then i don't want them to do it...
...my kids are at a steiner school and you can get money off of the fees if you do some hoovering ..so i am in there hoovering and trying to do it swiftly yet weller than just my own carpets and i am on this bit for ages and ages and i can't shift this crumb speck-stain and i try opening up the nozzle by angling it and letting air in to convince it to come up..and salivating..then i realised it was just part of the desgn.
i was trying to remove something that was just an integral given..a part of the actual thing..a bit not separatable from the nature of the things existence.i was wasting energy to get something away that could not be got away.
-'How Am I Driving.."..with arms hand legs and feet i hope..if not its a bit late to ask now..although in scotland 'how' means 'why' so maybe he's just pissed of at having to be the one driving..
is it soduku or soduko or sokodo or sokudu or sudoko or suduko...just try all the combinations by trial and error and soon you'll work it out.
i was on the london underground and a man was doing the soduku numbers..now one can share the crossword and offer a clue around the carriage..not this though..i said to him gimme a clue and he said 3,5,7,8,1,9..
all those poles on the tube yet nobody's dancing.
recently i was given a plectrum by rich hall...an umbrella by daniel kitson and a wooden log at Latitude by paul merton...
Faecesbook...MyTube...Aye Pad...Och-I-Pod...
next entry after soho hoho theatre gigs this thursdayfridaysaturday...and don't forget...
this is the internet...
so i
could
be
anyone.
bye,phil xx
a recent study revealed that football fans actually 'love' the opposition team because:
1.without them there would be no game
2. they can forgive the opposition bad play and adore them when they loose
3.because each side wears numbers.
the other night i watched the first hour of altman's 'the long goodbye' three times:once because i was just watching it for the first time...a second time becasue i had lost the remote and was not able to even pause it and it had gone all stuck and i could not rewind it and then come back and give it a run up to get through the sticky patch...so i switched it off and a third time becaues i had cleaned it and now my love could watch it with me.it got better each time.
then later i watched 'nashville' also directed by altman and so that was over six hours
recently discovered that opposition fans sing this cruel ditty about the champion golfer:
severiano ballesteros/ he's severely ill his life hangs in the balance/oh 'e slipped on the bannisteros taking pianos down the stairos..
the organic movement will have come to full bloom when they can do a decent striped toothpaste..
most recent e-mail sent to a friend:
Hey it phil..babe due in valentines day..or circa..we know for definitely a boy...
or a girl..melina is cooking brussel sprouts and couscous..she says oh glad its you and thanks for the magazine...you know we have had an idea that to get super great married we would have a massive kids party in a huge sandpit at the foot of a tree ask every family we knew and all our friends and then suddenly have a full dressed vicar come ut with a wicker hamper and in it a suit and a big white dress and surprise..its a wedding..all kids oblivious/unoblivious and neither a matter for having to be quiet or anything just there and integral..
- most recent ideas arriving while driving:
favourite road signs seen were - 'Free Church' what with every twelve vouchers
- 'concealed entrance'..well what are we supposed to do then either they have revealed it and it is no longer concealed or it is announced and still concealed...
- "Caution Horses in Transit..'..what am i to do that i was not already doing..and besides what are they doing with horses in an old ford van..that aint right...
='Keep Two Chevrons Apart"...what are they going to do..? multply..too late for that there is million of them.
the other day a horse was escaping down the road i live on in lewes,bn7..and i failed to run out in front of it and hault it with a massively confident stable technique based waving of the arms and solid...instead i made a fairly loud clicking noise to see if he wanted to stop...there are a great many things that if they don't want to get done by the folks themselves then i don't want them to do it...
...my kids are at a steiner school and you can get money off of the fees if you do some hoovering ..so i am in there hoovering and trying to do it swiftly yet weller than just my own carpets and i am on this bit for ages and ages and i can't shift this crumb speck-stain and i try opening up the nozzle by angling it and letting air in to convince it to come up..and salivating..then i realised it was just part of the desgn.
i was trying to remove something that was just an integral given..a part of the actual thing..a bit not separatable from the nature of the things existence.i was wasting energy to get something away that could not be got away.
-'How Am I Driving.."..with arms hand legs and feet i hope..if not its a bit late to ask now..although in scotland 'how' means 'why' so maybe he's just pissed of at having to be the one driving..
is it soduku or soduko or sokodo or sokudu or sudoko or suduko...just try all the combinations by trial and error and soon you'll work it out.
i was on the london underground and a man was doing the soduku numbers..now one can share the crossword and offer a clue around the carriage..not this though..i said to him gimme a clue and he said 3,5,7,8,1,9..
all those poles on the tube yet nobody's dancing.
recently i was given a plectrum by rich hall...an umbrella by daniel kitson and a wooden log at Latitude by paul merton...
Faecesbook...MyTube...Aye Pad...Och-I-Pod...
next entry after soho hoho theatre gigs this thursdayfridaysaturday...and don't forget...
this is the internet...
so i
could
be
anyone.
bye,phil xx
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